A Twisted Love Story
by Green Amber
Summary: Cowritten with LithiumAddict. There is something desperately wrong with a world in which Remy LeBeau's biggest competition is a twelve year old with big brown eyes of DOOM.


When Remy first decided to pursue Rogue, he knew that there would be several challenges he would have to face.

First there was that pain in the ass leader of hers, who just couldn't mind his own business. Most likely, given the chance, Cyclops would blast Remy into a wall, and then try to drop a truck on him. A BIG TRUCK. But Remy was prepared for that, after all Cyclops wasn't the only one who could blow things up.

And then, there was her twin brother, who happened to be a fuzzy blue elf, who really didn't like the Cajun. Kurt was even worse than Julien in this sense, and he was very much the protective older brother – with fangs. Remy knew all about Kurt's plans to teleport him to Antarctica if Remy so much as looked at his sister the wrong way. Remy was aware that Kurt had a very broad definition for the term "wrong way". Remy also knew that it wasn't a coincidence, that Kurt was interviewing proper future husbands for his little sister.

Of course, there was also the nice man, with the claws, and the homicidal tendencies, who just happened to see Rogue as the daughter he never had. But Remy was prepared for this as well. It also helped that he was very good at the whole running and hiding thing.

He had also been prepared for her terrorist mother, who he knew would stop at nothing to kill him. But then Remy's family was not well to do for nothing. He knew that once Mystique found out about the family fortune, she would welcome him into the family with open arms.

He had expected all of this. But what he hadn't expected was to find out that the biggest competition he would have to face to win the heart of Rogue would be a twelve- year old boy with the big brown eyes, who could photocopy himself. The Demon Child.

No one would suspect Rogue of having motherly feelings. In fact, she was the last person in the world to have motherly feelings, seeing as she was scary, more dangerous than Apocalypse when she was mad, and her sarcasm could have sent even Magneto running away in tears.

But from the very first moment she and Jamie set eyes on each other, those motherly feelings seized her in a chokehold and refused to let go. And Jamie simply worshipped the ground that Rogue walked on.

At first, it had freaked out everyone in the mansion, and also in the brotherhood when they saw Rogue's motherly feelings first hand. She made cookies with Jamie. She played video games with Jamie. She had taken Jamie anywhere he asked. She even made him his lunch, and cut the crusts off his sandwiches for him!

Kurt had become convinced that aliens had kidnapped his sister, and experimented on her brain. Pietro had phoned up his father on speakerphone, and the whole Brotherhood had screamed at Magneto demanding to know what he had done to Rogue while she was on Asteroid M. Kitty started screaming whenever she saw Rogue smiling at Jamie, or giggling at something he said. Jean got nightmares after having a conversation with Rogue in front of Jamie, where Rogue was actually nice and civilized to her. Logan had checked several times to make sure that she wasn't Mystique in disguise.

Luckily for them, it was thanks to Bobby, Ray, Sam and Jubilee that they were once more able to see the Rogue they all knew and loved. The four of them were trying to corner the human photocopier, in order to extract revenge on the stunt he'd pulled on them with the Danger Room. They had just cornered him in the Rec Room, and everyone else had been watching to see when they should cut in, when Rogue had walked into the room. It is important to note that Rogue's motherly feelings towards Jamie rather resembled that of the relationship between a lioness and her cub. Rogue was also one of those mothers who thought her child was perfect in everyway, and could do no wrong. Needless to say, it was not a pretty sight when she let out a sudden roar, and with a speed that rivaled Pietro, had latched onto Ray, and punched him in the face before tossing his limp body halfway across the room. The other three young mutants tried to use their powers to keep her away, but it was no use. Nobody threatened Jamie. Nobody. She had grabbed Jubilee, and despite the fireworks that were now burning her, she had flipped the girl on to her back, and twisted her arm rather painfully. At the same time, she had kicked Sam in the stomach, and threw both mutants into one of the walls at the far side of the room. Bobby had screamed, and tried to put up an ice barrier to keep her away, but there was no stopping her now. Her glare alone could have melted the ice; instead she had kicked and punched her way through the ice, and snarling, punched Bobby in the nose causing a nosebleed.

After finishing with Bobby, she had turned around to the group, who were sitting there with their mouths wide open.

"Something I can help you fish with?" she snarled.

Kurt suddenly let out a cheer, screaming: "My sister is back!"

Laughter burst out from the others, and the tension that had been present in all of them, now disappeared. Several of her friends clapped her on the back, while others began helping the injured mutants off the floor.

Rogue had then turned to Jamie, and held out her hand. The young boy had scampered over to her, and then the two of them had left the room, probably to go to the kitchen to eat some ice cream. As they were leaving, Jamie had turned his head, and with an evil grin that resembled Rogue had stuck out his tongue at his tormenters.

Remy had been congratulating himself on getting Rogue to finally agree to go to a movie with him. Unfortunately, the fates appeared to be conspiring against him today. He and Rogue had just been about to go out the front door, when they heard footsteps coming towards them, followed by "Rogue!"

Rogue immediately turned around, and with a smile that looked almost unnatural on her face, and called to the little demon boy. "Jamie."

Remy watched as the kid launched himself at Rogue, and tried to tell himself that he was not jealous of a little twelve year old.

"Where are you going, Rogue?" asked the brat.

"We're going to the movies, Jamie."

"Can I come?"

"No." Remy cut in sharply.

Rogue glared at him. "Remy!"

He shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably. "The movie's rated R."

Still glaring at him, Rogue announced. "Well, I guess we'll just have to see another movie then."

"But!"

"Come on, boys." With that Rogue walked off with Jamie holding her hand.

With a growl, Remy stomped off after the pair.

Not many people know this, but Rogue was deathly afraid of moose. She had a really bad experience when she was younger when Mystique had taken her camping for some bonding. Explanations aside, they had ended up in a tree waiting for the herd of killer moose to go away.

Now, she had made the very bad mistake of allowing Jamie to pick the movie. And Jamie, not knowing of her moose phobia had chosen Brother Bear. Now, she was sitting in her seat trembling at the sight of the two moose.

Remy was silently fuming in his seat. The brat had managed to make sure that he was between Remy and his Chere. Remy cast a glance at Rogue. Was it just him, or was Rogue even paler than usual?

"Rogue? Are you okay?" whispered Jamie, reaching out for her hand.

Remy nearly snarled as he watched Rogue give Jamie a weak smile. "I'll be fine Jamie . . . I just don't like moose much."

"Don't worry Rogue, I'm here. I'll protect you."

That little demon was making moves on Rogue! Remy could barely stop himself from blowing up the brat's seat.

"Just close your eyes Rogue. I'll tell you when it's over."

Remy glared at the younger boy who was holding Rogue's hand firmly as she clamped her eyes shut. Jamie than turned to Remy and smiled at him. A smile that said: 'I've gotten farther with your girl than you have.'

Remy knew that smile very well. It was one that he had flashed many a time at other men. Remy decided there and then that he really didn't like being on the receiving end of that smile.

It seemed that the fates were looking down on Remy that evening. The little devil spawn had come down with chicken pox. Chicken pox. Now there was no way the brat would be able to ruin his and Rogue's date tonight, like he usually did. The date at the movies had just been the first straw against the camel's back. However, at the moment, there was no way that Jamie could ruin his date now. Remy had taken Rogue to one of the most expensive restaurants in town, and Jamie was stuck back in bed at the mansion. There was no way the brat could ruin their date. Alas, how wrong Remy was.

"Do you think he's alright?" asked Rogue for the fifth time that evening.

Remy clenched his teeth, and forced a smile. "Of course. It's just the chicken pox. Now what were you telling me about –"

However, before he could push Rogue onto another subject, the waiter approached their table, holding onto a phone. "Excuse me, but are you Rogue Darkholme?"

Rogue nodded.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have a phone call for you from a Mr. Jamie Maddrox."

Rogue all but snatched the phone from the waiter. "Jamie, are you alright?" She asked, her voice bordering on panicking.

"Rogue?" called the brat. "Will you be home in time to read me a story?"

"Of course, sweetie. We're just finishing up here. I'll be right there okay? So just hold on." She handed the phone back to the waiter, before turning to Remy. "I'm sorry Remy, but it looks like Jamie is far worse than we originally thought. Could we take a rain check?"

"But chere, we haven't even had the appitezzer yet."

"Jamie needs me." Stated Rogue, and left it at that.

Remy was most tempted to blow up the check for the food that they had never gotten a chance to eat. Even when the brat wasn't there he still managed to ruin all of Remy's carefully laid plans. If he didn't know better he would say that the brat had planned this.

The dream had started out normal enough. Rogue was sitting on a hill, wearing an old fashioned southern dress, which looked like it had come out of the movie Gone With the Wind. In fact, the whole landscape looked like it was part of the set of that wonderful movie. Rogue was spreading her skirts around her, and had just taken off her big hat. The sun was setting, and the sunlight played off the highlights in her hair.

"You're beautiful."

A gasp escaped Rogue's lips, and she spun around to see a tall young man climbing up the hill. A small laugh escaped her lips. "You scared me for a moment, love."

The man laughed, and ran a hand through his short brown hair. "There's something I want to talk to you about, my darling."

He walked over to where Rogue was sitting, and reached down for her hand. Worry etched on her features, Rogue stared into his beautiful brown eyes that were the same shade as milk chocolate. Chocolate brown eyes that looked oddly familiar. "Please, tell me what's the matter?"

"I went to see your father this evening."

"And?" she breathed.

"Your father has accepted my proposal for your hand in marriage."

"Then we'll be together forever, like you promised."

"Oh much longer than that, my darling. Much longer." He helped her to stand up.

"I never thought I could be this happy."

"Nor did I. I love you with all my heart, my lovely Rogue," the mysterious man wrapped his arms around her.

Rogue smiled back up at him, her eyes alight with love. "And I you, Jamie."

Jamie than captured Rogue's lips in a passionate kiss.

Needless to say, Remy awoke screaming.

"I am here to inform you of a very troubling situation I have noticed concerning Rogue."

Both Logan and Kurt exchanged glances before turning their attention back to the Cajun. Usually, Remy kept as far away from the two of them as he possibly could knowing that neither of the two mutants held a warm spot in their hearts for him.

"Alright Gumbo. What's wrong with Rogue?"

"I've noticed lately that a member of the opposite sex is giving Rogue a lot of unwanted attention. The boy's a stalker! We have to stop him."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "A stalker? You mean she has another stalker besides you?"

Remy nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, we have to stop him before he hurts her!"

Logan sighed as he felt those darn protective feelings raising up inside him again. "Alright, Gumbo. Give me a name and I'll look into it."

"Jamie Maddrox."

Logan and Kurt stared at Remy in shock.

"Jamie?" exclaimed Kurt, trying very hard to keep his laughter in check, and failing miserably. "You think Jamie is stalking Rogue?"

Gambit frowned at Kurt. "I don't think you see the seriousness of the situation. If we don't act now, Jamie will have Rogue knocked up by the time he's twenty."

Kurt pulled a face. "That's disgusting! You're talking about Jamie! And my sister!"

Logan found himself in agreement, which led to him grabbing the back of the Cajun's jacket, and pulling the boy towards Xavier's office. Even after fighting in World War Two, there were still some situations in life that Logan was just not brave enough to handle.

The Professor sighed as he watched Remy stalk out of the room, after ranting for several hours about how Jamie was trying to steal Rogue from him. He then turned to Logan, who was looking as disturbed as he himself was feeling.

"Logan?"

"Yeah, Chuck?"

"Go get me a beer out of your private stash right now, before I am forced to make you play with Barbie dolls for the rest of your life."

Logan ran faster than he ever had in his entire life.

"Hello, Jean-Luc speaking."

"Dad, I need you to call in the favours with the Assassin's guild. I need some equipment."

"Why hello to you too son. I'm doing quite well actually. Henri's good too."

"Dad. I need to get rid of the competition. Give me some equipment."

"Having trouble winning the girl of your dreams? I thought you said you would have her wrapped around your little finger by the end of the first week. What happened, O King of Hearts?"

"There is no time for sarcasm, dad! I need to get rid of him! Right now!"

"Let me guess. She met a guy who doesn't have a wandering eye, and who believes in marriage and family and all that. And he probably has very good looks too?"

"Just a second. I'll send you a picture of the idiot."

Jean-Luc sighed, and rubbed his temples. Sometimes, he really wished he had drowned Remy when he was child. It would have saved him so much trouble. His faxing machine let out a small 'ping', and Jean-Luc picked up a picture of the young woman known as Rogue sitting beside a young boy. He frowned in puzzlement. Where was this competition that Remy was so upset about? Realization hit, and Jean-Luc felt a headache coming on.

"Remy, please tell me that your competition is not a little boy."

"Fine, I won't tell you."

"Remy, the kid looks like he's barely in his teens! I sincerely doubt that he's trying to take her from you!"

"You don't understand. The little devil has a plan." And thus, Jean-Luc learned just how far his son had fallen. After about 23 minutes, Jean-Luc found himself compelled to interrupt his son before his own sanity took the same path Remy's had.

"Son, I'm going to reveal something very important to you. Girls like Rogue really like it when guys like you show that they have a sweet sensitive side. Why don't you try bonding with the kid? You'd be surprised how many brownie points one can get doing that."

Remy sounded suspicious. "That really works?"

"Why do you think I adopted you? It wasn't because of your pretty eyes, that's for sure. Your mother, God rest her soul, and I had some of the best -"

"La, la! I'm not listening!" screamed his son. "I don't want to know about the activities you and mom participated in! Ahh! The images! Make them stop! There are some things in this life I don't want to know about!"

Jean-Luc heard a female voice suddenly scream. "Remy! You're projecting! Oh my Lord! Are those your parents you're thinking about! Doing that! You are a sick degenerate! I can't believe I ever found you attractive!"

"No! Jean, you don't understand! My father put the images in there!"

"Why would your father tell you about his sex life with your mom!"

"He was giving Remy some tips!"

"You're a virgin!"

"No! I have a very active sex life myself! Want to see?"

"Keep those shields up Remy LeBeau! I don't want to see what goes on in your disgusting head! Wait a minute! You mean to say that you've been cheating on Rogue with other girls! How dare you do that to her!"

"He's been cheating on my sister!" a young male's voice shouted.

"Kurt, this all a big misunderstanding!"

"I don't care! I will defend my sister's honor!"

"Kurt! Stop choking him with the phone cord!" screamed the girl.

"How could you do that to Rogue! I knew you were bad for her! I knew it!"

"Hey I'm not the one you should be watching out for!"

"Oh, and I suppose I should be watching out for Jamie?"

"Yes!"

"What's this about Jamie?"

Screams suddenly broke out among the three speakers, and the girl screamed: "Remy, uncharge the phone right now!"

The phone line suddenly disconnected, and Jean-Luc heard the familiar: "I'm sorry but your call has been disconnected. Please try again later."

Sighing he set down the phone, and turned to the picture of his late wife. "I'm sorry dear, it appears that I really did fail where it came to Remy. If only he had you with him while he grew up, he might have ended up being normal. While as normal as he could have been I guess. And knowing him, he would have turned out the exact same way."

After getting the advice from his father, Remy had quickly set off in search of Jamie, in order to claim those precious brownie points. He had found the young boy working on some homework in the Rec. Room. French homework. Being the gentleman that he was Remy had immediately offered to help Jamie with said homework. It had gone very well, and Remy was amazed to see that the brat was really smart as well as a quick learner. In no time at all, they were finished.

"Thanks for the help, Gambit."

"Well, okay then. Remy will see you later." With that, Remy began walking out the door. Today had gone good he felt. His father was right, getting alone with the brat was easier than planning his demise. Plus, Rogue would no doubt be pleased with him.

"Oh, Gambit," Jamie called.

Remy turned around from the door to look at Jamie. "Yes?"

An evil smirk lit Jamie's face. "Stay away from my girl."

That's it. The kid was going down. Remy stalked up to the kid, and lifted the boy up by the collar of his shirt. Jamie's eyes widened, as Remy glared at him. "I've had just about enough of you."

It seems that somebody up there really, and I mean really hated Remy. For at that moment, who should walk in, but Rogue. Both she and Remy froze in shock, and were just staring at the sight in front of them. Remy's mind was racing. How was he going to explain this one?

Then, he heard it. The sound of a sniffle. Followed by another. And another. Whipping his head around to stare at the kid, Remy realized that he was still holding the kid up in the air by his collar. And the kid's eyes were filling with more and more tears by the second. The tension in the room began to crackle. Remy did not want to look behind him to see her face, as he could just imagine that she was becoming more and more angry by the second.

"I suggest that you put Jamie down, right now Remy."

Growing paler by the second, Remy complied. He dropped the kid to the ground, causing the little photocopier to multiply. All of the Jamies immediately ran over to Rogue, and flung their arms around her waist, and began sobbing and wailing at the top of their lungs. The glare that Rogue sent Remy could have sent Logan, all of the fearless X Men, Brotherhood, and Acolytes running. Not to mention Apocalypse. Remy was going to die.

Logan had always suspected that Rogue held back in Danger Sessions, and now he had proof. Evan had been visiting his aunt for the weekend, and had happened to bring his video camera with him. At exactly 2:35 pm, Evan and Kurt had walked into the Rec Room just in time to catch Rogue advancing on a terrified Cajun. Grabbing his camera, Evan was able to catch footage of Rogue picking up the Cajun by the collar of his shirt, and hurling him across the room, through the main window, and into the pool, which was about 50 feet away from the mansion. Rogue, and the Jamies had then left the room, and a few seconds later, Rogue had squealed out of the driveway in one of the jeeps, with the Jamies all piled in. The two had returned later that evening, having had a wonderful 'date' as Jamie put it.

"Now, I want you all to notice how Rogue balances her weight while she's tossing Gumbo. See how she shifts her weight here just as she's about to fling him across the room?"

"I don't know about you guys, but I don't think I'll ever tire of this movie." Stated Scott as he helped himself to more popcorn.

Kurt nodded, as they watched Gambit go flying through the window screaming. "I say that we make this the new annual Christmas movie. I mean it fills me with such warm feelings, that I just can't help but feel good about myself."

Logan found himself agreeing with the two boys. "Now, lets rewind, and watch that again, shall we?"

"Let's not, and say we did." Grumbled Remy, who was supporting several bandages, and still on some ridiculously strong painkillers.

"Where's the fun in that?" asked Kurt, as the film started up again.

Scott sighed in contentment. "Yep, I won't ever tire of this movie."


End file.
